


House Party

by funfictions



Category: Bill Hader - Fandom
Genre: Car Sex, F/M, House Party, Oral Sex, Smut
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-05-21
Updated: 2019-09-09
Packaged: 2020-03-09 03:17:23
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,897
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18908434
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/funfictions/pseuds/funfictions
Summary: Reader goes to house party and meets the man of her dreams...Bill Hader.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this to curb my Bill Hader feelings. Hope you all enjoy. If you don't, that's cool too.

You always wanted to go to a house party in LA. Movies always made them look so extravagant and expensive. When you first moved to California, you expected to have sunny days and only care-free moments. Instead, your boyfriend of three years dumped you and you spent the next four months picking up the pieces of your social life and the remainder of your dignity. He didn’t even have the decency to call. You met him when you first got to LA and instantly clicked, but then he got distant and eventually ripped you in two. All of his friends were your friends, so you basically had to start from scratch, so thankfully, your work friend Colin invited you out tonight. Or else, you’d be at home on the couch watching a movie you’ve seen a billion times already because you’re too broke to afford a Netflix Account…oh yeah, because your ex kicked you out of his when he dumped you over text. That’s what hurt the most, no more free Netflix.

Colin picked you up, after you spent basically all day trying to find the perfect mix of a cute and sexy outfit for this shindig. Colin was only going to the party because a co-worker he fancies is going and he kind of wants to get in his pants…’kind of’ is an understatement. You got in the car, and you started off to the party.

You got there and immediately regretted every decision you ever made. Everyone there was a Hollywood socialite, wearing Gucci and Chanel while you were rocking Old Navy jeans and a t-shirt you found at a vintage shop with a band on it you really like. You instantly find the nearest alcohol, in any shape or form. You take a few shots, then you find a corner to hide in until Colin says you can leave. You could easily call an Uber, but you can barely afford Netflix, so that’s out of the question.

Time goes by, and the alcohol is beginning to calm your nerves, but Colin finds you and takes you by the hand,  
“C’mon,” he says, “you have to meet this guy, he has been talking about the girl in the band t-shirt all night.”  
“No, no no,” you refuse, and tear your hand out of Colin’s grasp, “he is probably making fun of me and I am already uncomfortable enough.”  
Colin grips your hand again, this time with more force, “Just come with me, I know for a fact you will not be disappointed.”

Colin then leads you through a sea of people, each one more beautiful than the next, you feel so out of place, you begin to feel woozy. However, Colin still drags you into a tiny office right off of the kitchen.

You enter the room, and inside is a man whose back is turned to you and your co-worker that Colin is trying to get with is talking to him. He is tall, slender, broad shoulders, and messy hair, he looks like he hasn’t even met a comb, but just from his backside, you immediately are intrigued. Colin coaxes you into the room, and makes the slender gentleman turn around.

You couldn’t fucking believe it. Colin was right when he said you wouldn’t be disappointed. It was Bill Hader. The Bill Hader you have always wanted to meet, the Bill Hader who was your favorite SNL cast member, the Bill Hader who was your celebrity crush before you even knew what those were, the Bill Hader who is the man of your dreams.

You go to shake his hand, but you can’t even focus, you’re shaking with adrenaline. 

“Hey, I’m Bill,” he says as you shake his hand.

“Hi, you’re Bill – fuck,” you completely fuck up and immediately want to crawl into a hole after you finally say your own name.

He starts laughing--you made Bill Hader laugh—and he says, “it’s okay, you’re fine, I get it, you should’ve seen me meeting Steve Martin for the first time, I didn’t even know how to blink, I just stared at him for twenty minutes.”

Before you knew it, you began staring. You never realized just how gorgeous his eyes were, or how lovely his smile is, you snapped out of it before he noticed. 

Colin nudged you and said, “Bill just said he likes your shirt.” 

You still couldn’t catch your breath, but you replied, “Oh yeah, I found it at a thrift store for $5. I never thought anything in LA could be that cheap.”

Bill let out a giggle and said, “Yeah, me neither. Avocado’s aren’t even $5.”

You laugh at his joke and you catch him looking you up and down. Colin clears his throat, “I think we are gonna go, we have some unfinished business. But you two stay and chat, we won’t let anyone disturb you.” He and your co-worker exit the office and leave you and Bill alone. You’re alone…with Bill Hader.

You start talking and Bill asks you about LA and where you’re from. Before you know it, you tell him all about your ex and what he did to you. He instantly makes you feel heard and understood. He begins asking about your ex, “Why would he do that? I barely know you, but just by how you were acting out in the party, I know I can trust you, you don’t let this city get to you and that says a lot.”

You playfully hit him on the shoulder and bow your head to hide your blushing cheeks. “Well,” you say, “I don’t want this town to change me.”

“I respect that, in fact, it is a breath of fresh air. You don’t know how many people came up to me tonight asking me to listen to their show pitch, or have me do Stefon, or asking me for anything…it’s nice to talk to someone who is not trying to get something out of me.”

This confession makes your heart break. You reply, “Well, I can’t promise I won’t try to get a little impression out of you later, once I have established myself as the best person at this party.”

Bill instantly laughs, “You already have.”

The silence in the room was almost palpable. Bill cleared his throat and made his way to the desk and sat on top of it, pushing the pencil cup and stapler to the side to make room for himself. He placed his drink beside him and then made more room on the other. He swiftly dusted off the desk top and patted the empty space, signaling for you to sit beside him, you obliged.

When you sat down, you couldn’t help but get a whiff of his cologne, the scent as intoxicating as it was comforting. 

“You know, I don’t know why,” Bill spoke, turning his head to face you, “but I can’t help but feel like--”

Bill gets cut off by a drunken party-goer barging into the room. They yell to Bill, “SNL! DO A VOICE! YOU SHOULD DO ONE!”

Before things escalate, Bill slowly gets up from the desk with a huff and leads the guy out of the room, he closes the door and looks at you, the look that could only mean one thing. Then he says, “Do you wanna get out of here?”

You couldn’t get up quick enough, you’re not even sure you said ‘yes’, you just led him through the sea of people, each one more drunk than the next, and took him out the front door. You got to the end of the driveway before you realized you don’t have a car. “Fuck! Colin was my ride, did you bring a car?”

He nods and leads you down the street to his beat-up Toyota Camry. You laugh to yourself and he says, “I didn’t let this town change me either.” You thought that sentence alone could’ve made you jump onto him, but you knew there was more to come. You got into the passenger’s seat of his car, so close to just jumping his bones at that moment, but you wanted to wait for him to make the first move so that you knew you both were on the same page. He got in, and didn’t immediately start the car. He just sat and said, “Anyway, as I was saying before we were interrupted, I can’t help but feel like whatever this is, it’s going to be great.”

You blush once more and take that as a signal to push his hand down from the ignition before he starts the car and shift your weight to then reach for his face, your lips gliding through the air to meet his in a searing collision. You never knew that this much passion could be within a kiss. He then drops his keys to the floor, and puts his hand on your cheek, rubbing it ever so slightly to let you know he feels what you’re feeling. 

You then climb over the center console and into his lap, the world spinning. You never break eye contact with him, and you go in for another kiss, this time, he takes the initiative and grips your hips, securing you into place right above his dick that you can feel through his jeans. 

His hands slide up your shirt, and he gently trails a finger up your spine, leaving you with goosebumps. He lifts your shirt over your head and he lets out a subtle, “fuck” under his breath. 

You continue kissing him and he loses connection with your lips to start a trail of bites down your neck and onto your breasts. He is gentle, yet firm, he knows what he wants. As his mouth does work, his hands continue the job of taking off your bra, you are exposed and you can feel Bill’s dick throbbing in his pants. You want to torture him a bit more, so you begin grinding on top of him, he almost can’t take it. He begins mumbling into your neck, breathing heavily, you can only make out a few explicit words that he’s saying. 

Before you know it, you’re taking off his shirt, being careful not to let your backside honk the horn and give up your position. The windows begin to fog and Bill lowers his seat so that he is laying down. You climb off of him and he gets upset, but then he notices you are just taking off your jeans, so he waits.

Instead of getting back onto him, you decide to tease him a bit more. You can see his dick bulging from his pants, so you unzip them. You stroke him a few times before you put your lips to the tip. You can tell you’re driving him mad. With every second, he gets more and more restless. You stroke him again and he keeps mumbling ‘fuck’ and your name over and over. His grip on the driver’s side door tightens and he says, “you better get on top of me before I lose my fucking mind.”

You laugh and take his order. His dick, soaked with your saliva and his juices, slides into you with ease. His hands grip your hips, keeping you in-time with his aching and needy thrusts.

“Holy shit,” he exclaims, “you feel so fucking good.” His eyes meet yours and you begin going faster, disregarding the rhythm he set moments ago. You start panting, and he brings your torso down to his, your lips meeting once more.

He speaks again, each word followed by a desperate gasp for breath, “I’m so close.”

“Me too, you feel so good inside me, I fucking need you to come. Come with me, please, I’m so close.”

You slow down a bit and Bill’s hand finds your clit, massaging it with his thumb, a surge of lust electrocutes your body as you feel yourself tighten around him. Your breathing hitches and you scream in ecstasy. He lets out a “Fuck!” as you slide down on his cock again, shivering from your orgasm, making his juices run down your inner thigh and onto his seat.

Your body falls completely onto his, his dick still inside you. He wraps his arms around you, and you stay there for a moment. You can hear his heartbeat and feel it against your chest. 

You lift his head and give him another kiss, this time, you can feel his smile as his lips touch yours. You climb off of him and put your shirt back on, leaving your bra on the backseat. You slip your legs back into your jeans and catch Bill watching you.

He puts his hand behind his head, still laying down on the car seat, not having moved from where you left him. He looks at you and says, “Aren’t you glad you came to this party?”

You didn’t want to give him the satisfaction, but yes, you were.


	2. No Missed Calls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> You have been waiting fro Bill to call or text or something ever since your hook up in his car, but it's been radio silence for three weeks, until...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A long time coming...wasn't truly inspired for this chapter and wasn't sure I would continue until yesterday, so here ya go...

You haven’t spoken to Bill since that night in his car, you also haven’t stopped thinking about it. His wandering hands, his soulful eyes, and his searing kiss made him hard to forget. But, nonetheless, you will probably never see him again because it has been three weeks and he hasn’t texted or called. Granted, he’s a busy man and currently doing press for movies and writing for his show, but it still hurts.

You go to work every day and have just been staring at your phone waiting for a number to call you, you have not gotten any work done in three weeks. Just as you are about to drift off into yet another daydream about the car, the wonderful car, your co-worker Colin knocks on your cubicle wall.

“Hey, girl,” he says, “I know you’ve been a bit down in the dumps, so I took it upon myself to set you up tonight.”

You are shocked, and quite frankly, in no mood to meet anyone new, especially since all you can think about is Bill.

The long silence you just created causes Colin to clear his throat. “So, is that a ‘yes’?”

You figure the best way to get over Bill is to try and forget him, forget the best night of your life, forget how good he made you feel. Just forget.

You agree to go on the blind date and as soon as you do, a sinking feeling makes its way from your throat to your stomach, shit, you haven’t been on a first date in three years.

Work is a drag, so you just keep thinking about what to wear, what to ask, what to order. So many options and ways to fuck up, the sinking feeling making its home in your stomach.

Work is over, so you gather your things and make your way home, your mind still reeling with possibilities on this date, it didn’t even occur to you to think about who the date was even with. Your mind wanders again, this time thinking about the features of your mystery man, without even thinking, your subconscious builds the dream man...who looks shockingly like Bill -- fuck! You’re trying to forget him!

You get home and rip into your closet, trying to pick the perfect outfit. Why you’re trying to impress this guy you don’t even know is beyond you, but you just want to forget Bill and be distracted because he’s all you have thought about for the last three weeks… his wandering hands, the way his lips felt against yours, the scent of his cologne, his moans against your body as you rode him -- stop, not the time.

You try to find distractions as you get to the restaurant, playing music really loud, singing even louder, anything to drown out the feeling in your stomach and the thoughts in your head. You get to the restaurant without Bill thoughts, thank god. But you see a car just like his in the parking lot and immediately begin to break down, there is no escape. He truly changed you that night, as cliche as it sounds, but he still hasn’t called or contacted you and that hurt more than when your boyfriend of three years broke up with you. Did Bill think he was a rebound? FUCK -- maybe he did. Goddammit. The realization hits you like a truck. But of course, you have no way of letting him know you want more than that because he hasn’t called. You gain your composure back and go inside.

The restaurant is nice enough, Colin sent you a picture of your date and he looked cute, so maybe tonight won’t be a total disaster. You sit down at the table and your date introduces himself.

“Hi, I’m Matt.” He reaches out a hand to shake yours.

“Hi Matt.” You shake his hand and introduce yourself as get yourself settled.

The pleasantries last a little while and you soon have to excuse yourself to use the restroom. You get up and pass the bar, only a few patrons are actually sitting there. The place is pretty dead for a Friday night. As you walk by, you catch a familiar scent -- Bill’s cologne. You shake your head, your mind is just playing tricks, your date is going well, you don’t need to fuck it up now.

You finish in the restroom and make your way back to the table. Matt waiting patiently for you to get back so you can order. Before you can even get two words out, the waiter is at your table. You look over the menu once more and look up to speak to him.

“Fuck,” you say as you drop the menu to the tabletop. Bill is standing over you, not even batting an eye. 

“I don’t think that’s on the menu, but what do I know? I don’t work here,” Bill chuckles at himself and Matt laughs too.

You still can’t gather your thoughts, your head is spinning, “What are you doing here?”

Matt breaks his silence, “Do you two know each other?” He gestures to you and Bill.

“Well, define ‘know’?” You say as you look at Matt and try to ignore the man standing at your table. 

“We fucked,” Bill says and you can;t believe the words came out of his mouth.

You are absolutely revolted, “What the fuck? Can’t you see I’m on a date?”

“You’re right, I’m sorry, I’ll come back later,” Bill says as he turns to leave and sit back at the bar.

“No,” you say and you excuse yourself from the table, seeing on Matt’s face that he doesn’t want anything to do with you anymore.

You grip Bill’s arm, his incredibly firm and muscular arm, and whip him around so he’s facing you. “Can I talk to you outside?”

He obliges and follows you into the parking lot. Only a few cars are in the lot, a restaurant worker comes out of the back door with trash and you wait patiently to finally yell like you’ve been wanting to. Once the worker goes back inside you let it all out.

“Why didn’t you call?” you say, “I fucking waited, it’s been a month. Now you come here and ruin my date because -- you what? Want to completely ruin my life?”

Bill moves in closer to you, his eyes even more gorgeous in this lighting, he opens his mouth to speak, “how have I ruined your life?”

You’re at a loss for words, but you can;t lose anything at this point, so you just tell him the truth, “You’re all I think about, I can’t sleep, I can’t work, I can barely eat, and then when I finally have the chance to forget you, you come waltzing back into my life. I want nothing to do with you. You had three weeks to do something, I’m over it.” You let it all out, and at this point, you’re out of breath.

“You done?” He says, and you nod your head yes. “Okay,” he continues, “the reason I didn’t call is because I lost your number. Well, I didn’t lose it. I had to wash my jeans, because -- well, they had a certain someone’s cum all over them, and the paper you wrote your number on was in the pocket. I was devastated, I really was. I had to call around and eventually reached your friend Colin who said you’d be here tonight, so I came and here I am.”

You find it hard to believe, you start to walk back to your car, not fully taking his story as truth.

He yells out for you and grabs your arm, “Please, I haven’t stopped thinking about you. You intoxicate me. That night in the car-- it felt like a dream, no one has ever done that to me.”

You can hear the sincerity in his voice, he lets go of his grip on your arm, he goes to speak once more, “I don’t expect you to believe me, but I’m here and I want you to know I have spent these last three weeks trying to find you.” His eyes begin to get a bit watery, you can see he is telling the truth.

But, you walk away and unlock your car. When you open the door, you turn back to look at him, he looks defeated. You stand between your open door and the car and yell out to him, “Hey!” Bill’s head whips around, tears in his eyes, you continue, “you coming?” You gesture to the car as you slip into the driver’s seat.

His smile is so wide, you can see it from where you’re sitting. He gets in and before he can even settle in, you lean over to him, take his chin in your hand, turn him to face you, and kiss him. Your hand falls to his neck, his hand coming up to your face, he rubs his thumb against your cheek. His lips are even softer than you remember.

You break away from him, his eyes peering into yours, full of joy. His hands are still holding your face, he pushes some hair from your face, and he says with a chuckle, “Deja vu.”

You laugh a little and settle back into your seat, you start the car and begin to drive to your place, feeling like you’re flying.

You get back to your apartment, surprisingly, because it took everything in your power not to pull over and recreate past events. You get to the door, your hands shaking, unable to unlock the door, Bill wasn’t helping either, his hands were traveling up and down your sides, his dick pressed firmly against your backside, sending shockwaves through you. 

You finally open the door, dragging Bill directly to the bedroom. You shut the bedroom door behind you.

“What? No tour?” He says and you push him onto the bed. His bulge now prominent in this position. You walk up to him, as he begins to sit up. He lets out a little moan as he reaches for the hem of your dress, sliding his hands up your thighs, lifting the fabric. He leans forward and kiss your thigh as he lifts the dress, revealing your panties. He pulls you closer, your eyes never leaving his. He pulls down your panties only slightly and kisses your hip. You take the dress from his hands and lift it over your head, it cascades to the floor. He tilts his head up towards you and kisses your hip again, this time more forcefully.

He gets up from the bed, completely towering over you. He turns you so that your back is towards the bed, he pushes you down, and you let out a little moan. He takes off his shirt, his body even more perfect than you recall. He then unbuckles his belt, he can see how bad you are craving him, he does it slowly, his dick pressing against the zipper of his jeans. He pulls his pants down along with his boxers, his dick hard and eager. You sit up a bit, but he pushes you back down. His hands make their way to your hips, he shimmies your panties down your legs, eventually throwing them next to your dress.

“Open,” he demands. You don’t quite understand, so he takes his hands and grips your thighs, pulling them apart. “Fuck, you look even better than you did before. I’m going to show you how sorry I am for not calling.”

He kneels down at the foot of the bed, his hands still gripping your thighs. He starts to move his hand closer to your opening, your heart beating faster than it ever has. He places a finger right on your clit, the other hand makes its way to your folds. “Damn, are you always this wet?”

You know the question was rhetorical, but you answer anyway, “Only for you.”

Bill lets out a little laugh, “Good, that’s what I’d hope you’d say. Now, relax.”

You lean your head back, Bill’s fingers tracing your opening, he finally enters you, you let out a whimper, his other hand still massaging your clit, driving you mad. He picks up speed, his fingers slightly curling inside you, making the sensation even more intoxicating. His other hand leaves your clit and you can feel his head between your thighs now, his tongue replacing his fingertip against your clit. He begins sucking and licking your clit, his fingers still inside you, making sure you feel every sensation. He is looking up at you, but you’re too busy trying not to cum too fast, looking up at the ceiling.

Your breathing begins to get heavy, he is hitting all the right spots, your mind is going blank. His tongue flicking your clit as his fingers go in and out of you. You can feel yourself going over the edge.

“Bill, fuck!” You scream as he continues, you can feel his smile against your folds, he likes this.

Your hands grip the bedsheets as the wave of your orgasm comes crashing down. You let out a moan and a scream. Your breathing still heavy, your body feeling weightless.

Bill is staring at you, he takes his fingers out of you and reaches out for your mouth, you begin to lick your juices off his fingers, sucking on them, never breaking eye contact. Bill takes his fingers from your mouth and traces the curves of your body with his hands. He gets up off his knees, now standing over you, he climbs into the bed.

He kisses you as he hovers his body over yours, you can feel his dick against your stomach. He trails kisses down your neck and nibbles a bit on your collarbone. He makes his way back up to your lips.

He kisses you again, and says “You’re so beautiful, truly, and you taste amazing.” He kisses you once more and you wrap your legs around his waist.

You look him in the eyes, “Enough with the small talk -- fuck me.”

He needed no further instruction, your pussy was still soaking from Bill’s tongue and fingers, so he entered you with ease. But still, you forgot how big he is, how good he feels inside of you. His dick felt even better than you remember. He started off slow, kissing you, his thrusts were calculated and purposeful, firm and just the right amount of forceful. He set he had next to yours, you hands making their way up his back and to his hair, you tangle your fingers in his soft locks and get a grip on his hair. He whispers into your ear, “I have been waiting for this for weeks, I was wondering if I’d ever get you screaming to be fucked again.”

He starts to pick up speed, his thrusts now more eager, your grip on his hair gets even tighter, he begins saying your name and whispering “fuck” into your ear. 

You whisper back, “I’m so close, please make me cum again, I’m begging, please fuck me until I cum.”

He continues, his breathing getting heavier, he lifts his head from next to yours, he keeps thrusting, his hands grip the sheets beside you. You pull him close as he keeps going, his heart beating against yours, you start to breathe heavier, you whimper and moan, those sounds sending Bill even closer to the edge.

You beg once more, saying “please, Bill” over and over. Your fingertips dig into his back muscles as you tumble over the edge, you feel yourself wrapping tighter around Bill’s dick, the sensation is enough to make him cum. He yells out in ecstasy, and his weight falls onto you.

He rolls over as his cock slips from you, you roll over and lay your head on his chest, his heart still beating quickly and yours still fluttering. He kisses the top of your head, and he lets his kiss linger.

He breaks his kiss and says, “I hope I made it up to you, the whole not calling thing.”

You look up at him and say, “Not quite yet.” You lift your head from his chest and give him another kiss, sincerely hoping it is one of many more.


End file.
